The Art of Transference and How You Can Use it to Your Benefit

This week has been a week of resilience, when I say this I don’t mean I had to be resilient. I was, however met with the topic of resilience a great deal of times. I reflected on this topic for some time, well, I couldn’t really not reflect with it being everywhere this week!

What is resilience? Is it a magic, unseen power that you either have or don’t? Is it hereditary? Can you get it from somewhere externally? Can you touch it? Can you see it?

Anyway, on it went, the reflection, exploration and making sense of what resilience actually is.

My first encounter with resilience this week came from a client of mine. This person is so very sensitive of the behaviour of others towards her, she gets extremely upset and anxious. Would you say this person isn’t resilient? Well think again. I recently found out that this person behaved and felt very differently about things when in a different situation, it was easier to switch off the emotion that would usually pertain. That’s resilience, in my opinion; then I got to thinking, how is that you don’t utilise your resilience in all situations? Why can you show resilience in one situation and not the other?

I think I have the answer; you don’t know how to, it’s that simple. In fact, you probably don’t even think about it.

How do you transfer the resilience you have for some things to the things you need it for? There must be a way, yes? Yes! There is a way.

I have to add the disclaimer here: Having and knowing a way of getting something doesn’t mean you will get it. There is a way of building resilience, whether you take that way or not is the key to whether you build resilience in all aspects of your life and in all situations, or not. This doesn’t just apply to resilience, it applies to all your lifestyle pursuits.

I know what you are thinking right now… “Why a disclaimer, when it all seems very obvious? And why wouldn’t I take the way if there was one?” I ask myself this question a lot.

You see, I have a few clients, who say they want something and promise they will do anything to get it. We happily sign a contract stating that ‘shit won’t happen’ if the client doesn’t follow the necessary actions through and if ‘shit don’t happen over a period of time’, I will be firing the client… well OK I didn’t quite use those words on the contract! Tempting though!

Most clients will get there, some take longer than others to get to the action, as other issues raise their heads and we have to work through them first. There are a small percentage however, who want it all but can’t get on and do the work. This minority does eventually get fired by me as I get fed up with the lack of progress… if there is no real will or motivation from the client, then there really is no point, I am no magician (yet!).

Do you have a person in your life that always looks on the grey side of life? And no matter how much you do to help them, they will always have a reason for remaining in that state of mind? Their glass is almost totally empty; forget half full! Until that mind-set is permitted to change, their view of life will remain grey and hence, their experiences will always be shadowed by the grey.

That scenario is so frustrating for a coach, this person came to you desperate for a change, they swore to do whatever it takes, then… nada, nothing, zilch!
I don’t want you to be stuck in ‘resilience limbo’, I want you to master it in every situation you face and there is a way…

Fancy getting resilient? You know what to do; get in touch